Articles from 10 to 19
Wow, it's been a long time. As usual I'll tell you what happened for me. I know this might read technical but I find it important to recall everything so that other after me knows what they are signing for. This doesn't matter much as personally, I don't think you could get this idea out of my head, but ... Better be prepared.
Right now, I just finished my morning dilation (yes, I finished it at 1 pm) and had a light snack. Now, let's go into the past:
Sunday, 24th October 2010
Ok, I just finished the 24 hours delay after my revision. The doctor told me I could start using the largest dilator (diameter 34mm) soon and for the midday dilation, I tried. I was told that I might not get my full 7 inches, but I could (minus a few millimeters, but you are told not to care about millimeters). So, that's good :)
I didn't tried it in the morning as the morning dilation is the most difficult.
Monday, 25th October 2010
Morning dilation ok, breakfast ok. Back to the hotel room at 10 when I get the visit from a nurse. Today, around 1 pm, Émilie-Marie, my friend, must come at the airport and the clinic has arranged to get her. I ask if I can go greet her and I was told I should hurry 'cause the driver is leaving right now.
Interrupting everything, I prepare and go to the hotel lobby. We wait until the driver comes. He was waiting as well but didn't recognize us. Anyway, we go to Bangkok. This time, no highway. We use the normal road.
Just to get you a picture, the highway and the normal road use the same path. The highway is just located about 40 meters above. The only difference, apart from the fact that the highway only have a few exits and no possibility to turn back, is the quality of the road. The highway is perfect with 3 lanes for each direction. The road is just as wide but the left lane (remember, we drive on the left) is just anything but the tarmac it should be, and the right lane can contain stopped cars that want to turn back. And sometimes, the whole road disappears and becomes just a very bumpy track.
The rest of the week passes by, with many things to do. And I get very tried. But that's life.
Friday, 29th October 2010
We leave tonight and we had the opportunity to get to every mall possible around town. I feel sad. In the morning I get my final checkup with Dr Suporn, and I realize that's the last time I saw him. He says everything is find and gives me the final instructions.
Yesterday, I ordered flowers at the clinic. In the afternoon I am to go the hospital a last time to give them to the nurses that were so kind the first week. We go by tuk-tuk and take the lift to the 9th floor. Everyone is very kind and very happy to see me back. I feel I'll have a duty of postcards when I go back to France. We take photos and sadly, I have to leave.
Instead of going to the hotel, I stay at the clinic and realize once again that's going to be the last time at the clinic. After, I have a dilation, and must go down to the hotel lobby to get to the airport. I stay here and cry everything out for about an hour. Of course, everyone is concerned about me. I wish I had time to talk to people about their lives and whatever they wanted to talk about. I just didn't have the opportunity.
I get the last photos using Elie's mobile phone. Very bad quality, but I love these photos.
I get back.
I go down to the lobby after having finished packing everything (difficult).
Danny is here to get us to the airport and leaves us there. I say good bye.
I ask for a wheelchair and get through everything.
In the plane, I get the front seats. The plane is not full so that was possible. It's very comfortable 'cause I can stand up and still be in front of my seat. The plane's (Boeing 777-300) toilets aren't that comfortable especially to wash the area and apply Dermazine cream. But I get by.
Saturday, 30th October 2010
Paris, we got to sleep ok. The plane left at midnight (Bangkok time) so that's wasn't so hard. I get a wheelchair again and ask for the medical center to get a micro dilation. That's the same terminal as the train station, lucky me. I get to dilate in a hurry only getting near 7 inches with the smallest, but that's going to make it easier afterwards.
I take the train in a hurry again and leave Paris.
Lyon, I take another train to get home.
Home (my parents'), I eat lunch, dilate, sleep, dilate, sleep and that's Sunday.
Friday, 5th November 2010
We get home all right.
Dilations starts to get difficult. So with time, I get to have the following changes: In the morning I use the smallest dilator first that I insert until 7" and release, and I get to do the insertion all by myself. This way, I can control the insertion and I can do that painlessly. The final (half) inch is just the critical zone where I have to push and where it hurts a bit. But taking time has the advantage of making it possible to do it with little pain.
Sunday, 7th November 2010
We invited all the close family to show the photos. Dilation was difficult after everyone left. Perhaps because we were tried and I mistook the medium dilator for the largest. Of course it couldn't enter. Combine that with the TV on and you have a super lengthy session that spanned from 9:45 to 0:30. Sleeping was very good afterwards.
This morning I had a revision to remove necrosed skin, white skin that was dead tissue and the black necrosed skin. The goal was not to remove the white skin that is in the process of healing but it must have been removed because I can't see it anymore.
My labia minora looks smaller now, he says that with time, both labias will get to similar sizes. Anyway.
This morning at 9:30, I went to the clinic, washed the area with hybiscrub soap and put on the robe for the operation. I had Dr Suporn look at the area to see how it had evolved and he noticed that it was healing fine but there was still two necrosed areas that he still wanted to remove. He's not forgetting that I'm leaving Thailand in a week.
He put on some anesthetic cream to numb the skin and an adhesive plastic to hold it in place, then I waited for the revision upstairs. It took place at 11:15 and lasted 15 to 20 minutes (the assistants had already prepared everything when Dr Suporn entered). I had an injection to further numb the area that I didn't feel, and it continued with, I imagine, cutting and threading. I felt the threads, or more exactly, the vibration they made in my body.
And that was it. Cream was applied and I was downstairs to change to my usual clothes and get back to the hotel. I could have been taken using the van but I felt I could go walking, so I did.
I don't recognize myself anymore, the area where there was necrosed skin had completely disappeared. Apart from that I feel ok except that I was't hungry at noon so I didn't eat. Now I'm a bit hungry.
Moral is good. I have to dilate once more tonight (not before) and I might try the largest dilator Sunday or Monday. 15 minutes for the medium dilator since full depth, then try the largest for another 15 minutes.
Dimanche dernier ne s'est pas bien passé du tout. Niveau dilatation, j'ai craqué et c'est Elie qui tient le dilateur à ma place. Mais ça fait mal, je crie. J'ai envie d'écouter des musiques qui crient aussi, bien agitées (mais pas le genre death metal qui ne me revient pas non plus). Enfin, j'ai enduré à l'aide d'un quart de cachet de Xanax (sleeping pill). Ça fait mal vraiment depuis le début de l'insertion et bien plus après.
Un grand merci à Elie qui m'aide à tenir. Voici ce que j'ai pu écrire lundi (je n'aime pas me répéter)
Pour moi, ça se passe tantôt bien, tantôt moins (c'est peut être pour ça entre autre que je n'ai pas forcément cherché à te joindre hier). Hier soir j'ai pris un quart de cachet de Xanax pour me détendre et faire passer la dilatation un peu mieux parce que hier matin, j'ai craqué, je n'en pouvais plus. C'est dur moralement de se faire mal physiquement ... En tout cas le moral était un peu bas. J'ai rattrapé la sauce hier soir en écoutant du Mickael Jackson pour donner la pêche et j'ai même essayer de danser un peu, mais dons mon état.
Enfin, depuis hier donc, c'est Elie qui tient le dilateur parce que je n'y arrive plus. Et comme ça il se sent utile. Mais ça se passe bien maintenant. Ca fait mal physiquement, mais c'est parce que les cicatrices se referment et se contractent.
Puis lundi après midi, on a regardé un dessin animé Disney (Mulan pour les connaisseurs) qui m'a fait beaucoup de bien. Et comme après avoir regardé un film avec mon chéri adoré, je suis très amoureuse et j'ai un peu enfreint la règle qui veut qu'on ait pas de pensées sexuelles, mais c'est dur de résister.
La suite ... mardi
Le matin la dilatation était plus dure que jamais. Franchement, je tenais à peine, et pourtant je ne faisait rien. Il a aussi semblé que j'ai saigné un peu par certains points, mais je ne suis pas sûre. De toute façon, saigner un peu, c'est normal. Mais après ce moment dur à passer, je suis allée à la clinique à 12:30 pour que Dr Suporn puisse examiner l'intérieur de mon vagin.
Il a vu que ... tout était ok à l'intérieur et j'ai mon passeport pour les dilatations dynamiques (3 fois 30 minutes par jour) et les hormones. Il a aussi vu que ma nécrose au petites lèvres n'avait pas fini de se résorber (plus profonde que superficielle) et il va me recoudre vendredi 10h à la clinique.
Donc, vendredi 10h, je dois être à la clinique (5 minutes à pied, même pour moi) en ayant fini deux dilatations dynamiques et mon petit déjeuner. Ca va être sportif. Une crème pour endormir la zone (de ce que j'ai compris) et on part sur la table d'opération. Rien de bien grave cependant.
Pour les dilatations dynamiques, comment faire ? Simple. On atteint la profondeur maximale comme en statique, on pousse à fond pendant 15 secondes. On relâche un peu et on tourne le dilateur 15 fois par la base. Le but est que le bout décrive un cercle pour élargir le vagin. Et on recommence.
Et la bonne nouvelle, à 4 pm, c'était facile. Une infirmière de la clinique, Aoe, est venue pour me montrer comment faire. Et j'ai duré 30 minutes très facilement. Ça ne fait pas mal (ça tire juste un peu quand on pousse, mais assez peu). Donc génial. Je suis en bonne forme et j'ai le moral.
Lundi midi on a mangé à la pizzeria de l'autre coté de la rue, je n'ai pas emprunté la passerelle pour traverser la route (les marches c'est pas bien pour la zone opérée), mais ce midi on a mangé dans un restaurant avec des plats végétariens dans le cendre commercial juste à coté de la pizzeria et j'ai pu goûter aux joies d'un plat épicé. Très épicé même.
Je vous laisse, il est quand même 8h du soir.
So, I'm fine, well, in a good mood. The days follows and are similar. Dilation is ok even though I must go in a deep relaxation state. I think I shouldn't try to sleep these moments and instead try to meditate as much as possible (stay in the presence)
My farther told me that it might be easier to find the nature of mind as I have accomplished quite a lot of what I wanted and I enter a peaceful state of accomplishment.
Good news as well, I'm lactating. I'm not joking but it happened. My boyfriend sucked on my right breast and he felt a salty taste, and rightly, some mild escape from my breasts after some stimulation. I couldn't possibly feed a baby yet, but that's a start. It might be the lack of hormones (stopped one week before the trip) or the medication. But Elie said he felt that taste even before.
Anyway, that's fun to play with. I'll show you some photos.
I stopped hormones one week before the trip. Now, I'm completely off hormones, like a menopausal woman. I think I feel the effects, I'm not sure but I sometimes feels very hot, at other times quite normal. Difficult to manage.
By the way, most of the time I stay naked. Just when I go out or I answer the door I put on a dress. Being naked and on bed (with a bed protection) is most confortable. If I go around, I just have to make sure that I don't leak, but that's all.
I ordered fish and chips without fish ... A nice way to order french fries and salad. Because everyone is in Pattaya, I could discuss with other people, from UK actually and Australia. Everyone is very nice and it's good to know I will have people to talk to until the end.
Dr Suporn stopped surgeries for some time to take vacations, well deserved. So he can spend time with his family. And as time passes, there is less and less people around. This also means the clinic staff has more time and appointments would often be earlier. That's why Aey came just when I started dilating this morning. I left the door open for her (and wrote a note).
The equivalent of morphine was dynastat 40mg (I don't know why 40mg since it is supposed to be injections, but perhaps if was 40mg in the syringe)
Now, I take after each meals:
- antibiotics: I have 20 pills of Ciprofloxacin 500mg
- swelling reducer: I have 30 pills of dangen 5mg (if I can read well)
And Dr Suporn advised me to take medication to help bowel movements: Prolax at bed time. He told me that if I noticed bleeding, I should stop. I also just noticed that the instructions is to take two pills a day, and I took only one. I think I will stick to one pill as I don't have major problems.
I also use hybiscrub soap, which is antiseptic surgical soap. I was advised not to use it too much as it might not be good for the skin. So only before and after dilation.
I apply antiseptic cream inside the labia minora: Dermazin which says it is 1% Micronized Silver Sulfadiazine. It is also indicated for treatments of burns. I apply this every time I wash the vaginal area (usually with tap water, I was instructed not to try to clean too much).
Yesterday, everything went fine. I just finished dilation that took and hour and a half, taking my time. Elie went to a trip to Pattaya organized by the clinic, and I have all the day to myself.
During dilation, I listened to Karunesh, relaxing music, and read a little but of the Hannah Montanna like story: Sarah Carrera
It was ok, I reached 7" without mich difficulty, but I had to take care to have everything reachable, including the mirror since I was alone. Just a nurse from the clinic came at the beginning to check things up and left me alone. Daily visit.
With the mirror, you can't place it to near since you need place for the dilator, beware.
I'm fine and in a good mood, I can start my day now.
Shower as usual with normal soap, don't use hybiscrub soap.
After going to toilet, wash the area with tap water (using the shower head)
Then, go on bed and apply the dermazine antisceptic cream on the clitoris and inside the labia minoras, then you're set. You can put underwear with protection.
On the bathroom, you need:
- Hybiscrub soap
- Drinking water
On the bedroom, you need at hand disposition (on the bed itself):
- KY Jelly
- Bed protection, plastic strap
- Somthing to relax you during 30 minutes
- Cotton balls and betadine (dressing kit)
- Dermazine cream
- Trash can
- Basic cleaning material (paper)
- Blanket if you might be cold (not in Thailand)
Now, here is how to do:
- Shower and use hibiscrub soap on the vaginal area
- Prepare the bed with the plastic and hygenic bed protection
- Put the plastic strap so that you would sit on it
- Lie down on the bed, knees down, relaxed
- Put a condom on the medium dilator
- Put a lot of KY jelly on the dilator and some on the vaginal opening
- Insert the dilator slowly, the head directed down (don't go into the urethra)
- Push until 7 inches, you should feel pressure. You can keep the dilator in using the plastic strap you sat on
- Wait 30 minutes
- Remove the dilator slowly
- Go wash the vaginal area in the shower, you need a syringe
- Use 3 full syringes of drinking water and insert the water in the vaginal opening. Don't try to get the water on the end on the vagina, just wash the opening.
- Use a syringe with 5 graduations (0.5 ml) of betadine and use drinking water to fill the rest of the syringe (50 ml). Wash the vaginal opening the same way.
- Use hybiscrub soap to gently wash the vaginal area.
- Back on the bed, apply betadine on the scar lines with a cotton ball (in the dressing kit)
- Apply Dermazine antiseptic cream on the clitoris and inside the labia minora
And you're set, do that twice a day.